Airvape Legacy Pro | Ornately Packaged Coffin – Secrets Lurk Within!

Hello, Pete here, your burnt-out #GenX slacker/stoner, here with another vaporizer review. Today, bear with me because the facts are sketchy. We have the Airvape Legacy Pro, a charmingly coy name on this unbelievably slicky-designed machine. Normally I’d post a routine video using this gorgeously designed device, but truly I feel unworthy of besmirching this holy interior with my dirty reject Iowa concentrate. This is a $269.00 unit, I’m not driving this Rolls Royce on any less than the fanciest occasions.

That is what I am deciding it’s for, is concentrate. The site also says it’s for herb, too, but it leans concentrate-y. I have photographic evidence, follow along below…

The Packaging is Out of This World!

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to exhume this time capsule from the tombs of ancient pharaohs in Egyptian sarcophagi. Rumor has it that space aliens visited ancient civilizations to assist them with advanced technology. We’ll see.

Behold! As I slide the ornate inner chamber from the exterior shell, revealing the mind-blowing black hole. This took awhile because the outer shell was snug. I pounded on it for 15 minutes just to slide it out. Are you ready for this?

THIS THING SPINS!

It makes trippy geometric whatchamacallit, like the Moiré pattern effect. Triiiiiiiiiippyyyyyyyy!!!

So trippy it made me forget what I was unboxing. Believe it or not, it gets better.

After another 15 minutes of frustrated nitpicking, I detected that this coffin flips open instead of sliding out. My effort was rewarded with yet… ANOTHER mystery box? I’m having flashbacks to that dumb Christmas prank where you open nested boxes forever until you get down to jewelry. There has to be gold at the end of the Indiana Jones booby-trap puzzle in the ancient dungeon of wonder!

“Surely,” cried Alice, clawing her way through the packaging that looks like it cost 3/4s of the sticker price alone, “There has to be an end to this somewhere.” After another 15 minutes of nitpicking the mystery magic interior, I managed to break it down to an actual unit snuggled into its foam rubber padding like a playboy on vacation in the UK. The actual Airvape Legacy Pro! The legends of Apollo were true! By now I should not have been surprised were Pinhead to make an appearance.

And look, there’s a QR code. I don’t use QR codes on packaging, because I’m not going to install an app on my phone and give up my social media history and subscribe to a newsletter and have to accept cookies and confirm my identity from my email. JUST TO READ A MANUAL.

You know what would look better right there where the QR code is on the box packaging? A MANUAL.

The Legacy Pro Looks Sharp

But anyway, I digress. It’s a vaporizer, how complicated can it be? We’re an hour in and still don’t know what it does.

So the Legacy Pro flips open like a 2000s cell phone, and the inside is just as mysterious as the packaging. The chamber there to the left end makes this another attempt at the bottom-loading vape design. And verily I say again, another QR code which they took the trouble to emblazon on the inside of the device door. Does this go to the same place as the other QR code? Is it separate? Is this the one with the manual, or is it going to be some dumb product safety warning telling me not to stare into the laser with my remaining eye or whatever?

Drafting this model is said to be one of those blindfold torture tests they give design students before they graduate from Berkeley. So we have a channel for air to get to the mouthpiece, but what is taking up the huge bulky space inside the yonder chamber door?

QUOTH THE RAVEN: Nevermore! (shoutout to my Poe-obsessed colleague and distinguished voice talent).

Why yes, that is a lithium-ion 3.7V battery, running at 3200mAh. Right next to the mouthpiece. Bonus buck: this futuristic glass tube, which is conveying vapor in a way that somehow connects with the mouthpiece in there.

And as you can see here, if you got bored by now, you can build a cool tower with all the elaborate and baroque packaging. I mean, good thing we’re not having any planetary crisis over packaging resources or anything. You should really consider this more of a presentation that a vaporizer. This device is designed for runway models to pose with. We do have the obligatory metal hockey puck that fits right in the oven for you to dab things on. I’m sure I’d enjoy seeing if it works a couple times without becoming a burnt-on, gooey mess, but now that I’ve shared this special unboxing experience with you, I’m tired and in more of a quartz banger type mood myself.

Remember, we still have the inner-inner-inner mystery box to go!

The mystery box contains:

Hey, that’s my line! Anyway, that’s the contents. At least it wasn’t another QR code. Inscrutably, this proves that the packaging company (the real star of this show, come on, spinning Moiré design!) had the wits about them to list text on the box, yet chose only to print out the sole information we could discover on our own.

Anyway, we confirm a charger cord at last, for that gigantic replaceable battery. And thanks for the Qtips! I don’t know how many times I can’t get into a drugstore to pick up the family-size 1000 pack. One more bit to show you, this nail-file-build dab tool, which slides into place on the battery hatch cover like a sheathed sword.

There, this is sword and shield of a little mouse in a fantasy medieval world where he fights faeryland crime in a jaunty green Muskateers get-up. Because I said so.

The Airvape Legacy Pro (Apollo) is Too Pretty to Use

The unit weighs in the hand like a brick. It is ornately layered in designer materials. The website (presumably al the QR codes nestle in its nether regions) emphasizes the pretty, pretty, PRETTY design! Like OMG this is Barbie’s dream-house vape! They were so busy with making this an artistic masterpiece, that one suspects there was a shortage in the functionality planning. Absolutely nothing I’ve seen makes any sense, and I don’t think it was intended to.

We have reached a point beyond vaping with the Airvape Legacy Pro. This beautiful specimen belongs on your shelf, under a glass case to preserve the luster of the mint-standard metal interior. Under a thick layer of cobwebs, preserved for all eternity for future trade on Antiques Roadshow, where this legendary Delorean will assure itself a parking place… in the Twilight Zone!

Here’s the site. Let me know where the QR codes go!